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It seemed a perfectly normal Thursday afternoon. I brought in the groceries and was putting them away when I noticed one of my soup cans said Wizard in a Can, instead of Cream of Mushroom Soup. I was royally miffed because I'm not a real spiffy cook and the recipe I was planning on following clearly called for Cream of Mushroom Soup, not once did it mention substituting wizards, in or out of the can.
What is Wizard in a Can anyway? Creative cooking was never my thing and I decided it must be some gourmet veggie soup. I have no idea why or how I came to that conclusion, but I had llamas to feed, guests arriving soon, a dinner to prepare and no time to ponder soup cans. My cat was tripping me in hopes of a treat, so I thought I'd open the Wizard in a Can and if it didn't look like a reasonable substitute for Cream of Mushroom Soup, the cat could eat it. I poured the contents into a bowl and surveyed the results. It was clear liquid with a tiny nut in the center. What some people won't pay good money for! I looked on the label to see if this nut was some exotic, rare, specialty, but there wasn't one ingredient listed. Then I checked my grocery receipt to see how much I'd paid for a nut in water, but it wasn't listed there either. That seemed odd, rarely do they give away anything at that store. I tossed the nut on the floor for the cat to play with, but it cracked open as it hit and a tiny wisp of mist wafted up from it. I threw myself on the floor behind the cat (he's a rather big cat), thinking this was a case of germ warfare. The cat stared at the mist and I finally peeked over his back. The mist was gone and there was nothing there, but the cat was still staring as if hypnotized. A voice said, "Are you OK?" and I whipped my head around to see my UPS driver standing there with a package in his hand. "I knocked, but you didn't answer and I could see your feet on the floor from the doorway and I got concerned." As he said this, his expression was clearly that of someone who has witnessed a person who has quite possibly gone over the edge. Frankly, it's been rumored for years that I was on the brink and I'm sure he was thrilled to be the first to observe the event. "I'm fine, the cat lost a toy and I was looking around for it. Do you notice anything odd in here?" I realized that was the wrong question to ask as he started to snicker. I leapt up and grabbed the clipboard for electronic signatures from his hand. "Never mind, I'll just sign for the package." By now he was laughing so hard tears were escaping the corners of his eyes. I knew I'd hear his rendition of this exchange repeated later at the local coffee shop, embellished as it was retold several times. That's one of the many earmarks of a small town with no big news to discuss - which of the residents has finally slipped over the edge of sanity. My name seems to come up fairly often in those conversations. He left, still laughing, with my dirty look following him out the door like a shadow. I read the shipping label on the package, but didn't recognize the address or the company name, Peerless Sporting Goods. I opened it to find an assortment of feathers and fibers for tying flies. My son is a fishing fanatic and I figured he'd ordered them and the company used his old address (mine), although he now has a wife and two daughters of his own and hasn't lived with me for years. I set the box on the table and returned to the kitchen to find one of the ugliest men I'd ever seen. Well, I use the term "man" loosely here, I wasn't sure if this guy was even human! He was about two feet tall and had on the gaudiest clothing I'd seen since I'd watched a movie about Hollywood's Sunset Strip. I sighed, realizing that Thursday was not going to be the "perfectly normal" afternoon I'd envisioned.
Image & story are my property, but you're welcome to link to this page.
Images and stories are my property. You're welcome
to link to my pages, but change not one word, nor copy the images. If you are foolish enough to do otherwise a curse will come upon you and the wrath of centuries of majikal beings will warp your computer, your life and your future in ways too ugly to repeat. |