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I decided a wizard might be kind of cool to have around, even if he was pretty dumpy looking. (I always thought a wizard should look like that gorgeous dude with the long hair in the movie Eve's Bayou. Why couldn't I get a wizard like that?) Regardless, visions of llama fencing being raised free and automatically, another barn, a new truck, 20 more acres, an Alano Club, helping others, and a zillion more ideas danced in my head. "Hello Wiz, welcome to Castalia.", I said with a big smile.
The wizard merely turned his back on me, uttering a loud "Humph", and proceeded to shake water out of his wand. (I hoped it was his wand, this *is* my kitchen we're standing in.) It sputtered some tired sparks, then ignited with a few fingers of flame and a weird looking green & gold fairie popped out to join us.
Great, a dumpy wizard with a bad attitude, and an over-endowed, naked, green Tinkerbell. This was not the stuff my dreams are made of. In a tiny voice she said, "Where are the feathers and fibers I ordered?". Exactly whom had she charged these goodies to since they came to my address? She squealed and flew toward me and I assumed she'd read my thoughts and was attacking. I jumped away and she dove into a bag of llama fiber that was sitting on the dining room table. Actually, there were at least 8 open bags there and she proceeded to bounce from one to the next, giggling and whooping it up.
I wondered if she was capable of creating gorgeous garments from llama fiber and I perked up. "You're a spinner and weaver?", I asked hopefully.
"Oh yes, I make the finest spider webs you've ever seen."
"Spider webs." I muttered. "And capes, right?"
She laughed like that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. "What would a spider want with a cape?"
This was not going to be the weaver of my dreams. In fact, nothing about this wizard and his cohort was measuring up to my expectations. Suddenly Sam (my cat) screeched and I turned to see the wizard trying to tug out one of his whiskers. "Quit that!"
The wizard let go and Sam streaked off to hide under my bed. "I happen to need the whisker from a black cat for my next spell." He said this as though I might be an idiot enemy from a foreign land.
"You'll just have to wait until one of Sam's whiskers falls out naturally. If you hurt him again I'm stuffing you and that Emerald Spider Freak back into that nut and dropping you off at the nearest swamp!"
We locked stares, his foot tapping, my fists clenching, and the phone rang. I answered it and my cousin Darby said, "I'm sorry, but Doug and I can't make it tonight. His brother broke his leg and we're catching the next ferry to meet him at the hospital. What's that weird chattering noise?".
"That is a tiny, green, naked, Dolly Parton style fairie, with an arachnid fixation, laughing from inside a bag of llama fiber."
Darb's laughter confirmed that she found the truth very funny, but I knew she didn't believe a word of it. "With all this happening I needed a good laugh! I'll call you later!" She hung up before I could say more, but at least now I didn't have to cook.
I turned back to the wizard and decided to start over. "What exactly do you do?"
"I'm the Wizard of Green and I heal plants. That lovely winged one is my personal friend and well-known plant deva, Meloda of the Green Clan. We were between assignments and noticed you had a few house plants with bugs and we agreed to come and rectify the situation for you. Though I must say, you are hardly being very welcoming and haven't honored us at all. We'd been told you were quite welcoming to the ancient ones and know how to behave."
Suddenly I knew that only one entity from the Other Side could have sent these wacky characters into my life. "And would it be my old buddy, Chief Red Eagle, that told you these things?"
"Yes. He is quite respected and usually a good judge of character, although obviously not always."
I just groaned and knew I'd been had by that wily old Chief again. "Lesson number 834, Chelle." I heard Red Eagle say within my head. His contagious laughter followed and I had to laugh in spite of my current situation.
The wizard was either immune to the Chief's laughter, or couldn't hear it. He waddled into the living room and plopped himself down on a cushion. He then pulled off a strange, purple stocking-shoe and calmly started kissing his own toes. In between smooches he was singing some odd song. No doubt about it, the wiz was weird!
In the meantime, you can explore more oddities in Strange Ramblings or try the Directory. Or just hang out here and send me an
Image & story are my property, but you're welcome to link to this page.
Images and stories are my property. You're welcome
to link to my pages, but change not one word, nor copy the images. If you are foolish enough to do otherwise a curse will come upon you and the wrath of centuries of majikal beings will warp your computer, your life and your future in ways too ugly to repeat. |